April 23, 2007
On 'What to do if your child is bullied':
I find the suggestions of The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry close to useless if school authorities in our own academic institutions view bullying no more than a solitary experiment on toughening up oneself, with little to no regard for a 'cry for help' (see my last post). But then again, there could at least be one caring adult on campus, right? But that would depend on how much protection they can offer when it comes to giving guidance to a bullied child.
Of course, assertiveness on the part of the bullied student in encountering THE BULLY is encouraged. But it's one thing to be assertive and another to be totally lacking in supervision. Obviously, bullied kids can't do without supervision, and they should also keep in mind that it's not a sissy thing to ask for help.
Anger management issues should definitely be addressed. Ongoing bullying can leave a person angry at the world and with his/her surroundings, and I don't think it's a secret that many who have found themselves relegated to loner status have had fantasies of blowing up their high school with their classmates in it. No one's been stupid enough to pack heat just yet, so maybe they can still save themselves - just not with a noose. The sad part is that our schools don't have programs to combat bullying, nor do they offer conflict resolution or anger management training.
Also, these tips assume that children who undergo bullying can always find solace in the company of others in order to avoid contact with THE BULLY. But what if they don't have friends in school to begin with?
Other related stories on bullying and current events which affect our national psyche, also from the PDI:
RJD's first-hand account of VA Tech is actually close to home (her nephew is currently studying at VA Tech). She thinks an incident likes this can occur "anywhere where guns are so easy to get." (That means Manila, too.)
Neal Cruz views the likelihood of a school shooting to happen here as "not far off".
More on how guns are acquired in the Philippines (also from Neal Cruz's commentary):
Non-PDI-related: Sassy Lawyer waxes analytical in her context-heavy post on "the right to bear arms", and why it backfired from its intended objective.
I find the suggestions of The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry close to useless if school authorities in our own academic institutions view bullying no more than a solitary experiment on toughening up oneself, with little to no regard for a 'cry for help' (see my last post). But then again, there could at least be one caring adult on campus, right? But that would depend on how much protection they can offer when it comes to giving guidance to a bullied child.
Of course, assertiveness on the part of the bullied student in encountering THE BULLY is encouraged. But it's one thing to be assertive and another to be totally lacking in supervision. Obviously, bullied kids can't do without supervision, and they should also keep in mind that it's not a sissy thing to ask for help.
Anger management issues should definitely be addressed. Ongoing bullying can leave a person angry at the world and with his/her surroundings, and I don't think it's a secret that many who have found themselves relegated to loner status have had fantasies of blowing up their high school with their classmates in it. No one's been stupid enough to pack heat just yet, so maybe they can still save themselves - just not with a noose. The sad part is that our schools don't have programs to combat bullying, nor do they offer conflict resolution or anger management training.
Also, these tips assume that children who undergo bullying can always find solace in the company of others in order to avoid contact with THE BULLY. But what if they don't have friends in school to begin with?
Other related stories on bullying and current events which affect our national psyche, also from the PDI:
RJD's first-hand account of VA Tech is actually close to home (her nephew is currently studying at VA Tech). She thinks an incident likes this can occur "anywhere where guns are so easy to get." (That means Manila, too.)
Neal Cruz views the likelihood of a school shooting to happen here as "not far off".
The United States may hold the world record for school shootings, but we hold the record for extra-judicial killings and the murders of journalists. And this year, the Philippines may set another record for election-related killings. The United States and the Philippines share a common cause for the mass murders: the ease with which people get hold of guns because they both have no effective gun control laws.
More on how guns are acquired in the Philippines (also from Neal Cruz's commentary):
Those in the Philippines who cannot legally acquire guns can get them illegally from the black market, too. There are many loose handguns, assault rifles and ammunition being sold, some by policemen and soldiers themselves. We even have a whole city engaged in the illegal manufacture of firearms. Although this is clearly illegal, the Arroyo administration doesn't do anything to stop it. On the contrary, it has made illegal gun manufacture a tourist attraction and is promoting guns as products for export.
Non-PDI-related: Sassy Lawyer waxes analytical in her context-heavy post on "the right to bear arms", and why it backfired from its intended objective.
April 20, 2007
The schoolyear may be over (for local schools, anyway), but earlier this week, PDI decided to run a story about the culture of bullying that takes place on campus grounds. Stranger yet is the VA Tech student massacre that had to happen like, a day later. Talk about serendipity of the worst kind.
Anyway, the article opens with the writer's personal account of her son as the unfortunate target of bullying from a higher-ranked fencing teammate, and delves into the systems that encourage (rather than discourage) bullying to continuously take place in exclusive schools. It's specifically aimed at parents - especially those who have witnessed their own child being bullied by a classmate, peer or even a group of people who look down on those who are either 'unlike' or 'don't measure up' (my quotations).
The writer also cites Dr. Honey Carandang, who tackles the psychological aspects of bullying. She manages to pack a few punches of her own by addressing the following:
a.) Bullying can be learned at home, especially if a parent, who is obviously looked onto as a role model, exhibits such tendencies. Taming the bully, however, requires a degree of intervention on the part of both parent and child.
b.) There are many faces to a bully. Apart from the stereotypical tough guy, bullies can come in groups. Because of how social hierarchies in school operate, bullies can develop status over time - so even the admirable "it" crowd is capable of bullying. And by bullying, it's not always the physical kind. Bullying can be emotional, in the form of outright rejection or ostracism.
c.) Even school authorities are complicit in allowing this culture of bullying to take place by choosing to turn a blind eye, to the point of trivializing the threat by suggesting that the bullied student should learn to fend for himself or herself.
d.) Often, students who unwillingly find themselves in this seemingly endless battlefield feel that suicide is the only way out of being bullied and ostracized. (Dr. Carandang has dealt with a number of cases.)
e.) If the schools in our country don't get their act together to address this problem by reorienting the school system, it'll get only worse. The possible approximation or alternate reality? We could be short of a Columbine blood bath, if the student decides to "hit back".
f.) Bullying can be further prevented if students were more encouraged by the schools to get hobbies or throw their passions in extra-curricular activities.
I don't always take expert opinions at face value, but it's rare that I come across those that aren't sugar-coated with forced optimism and faux Zen-like contentment. Having said that, I think it's cool that Dr. Carandang addressed this bullying problem in schools as something that is sadly overlooked in the very institutions that are supposed to educate students in the first place. It's easy to waste authoritative spit on social propriety and upbringing, but perpetual lip service isn't gonna keep those bullies at bay. And when the bullies do have their way, the last ones to know about it are precisely the ones who run the school. Or have they decided to let the bullies take over the school instead, enforcing their own stupid social hierarchies by deciding who's 'hot' or 'not', or too 'promdi' for that matter? Who actually rules the school?
It seems that parents who invest in their children's education may not really know (or even care) what their children are getting out of it. Bottomline is, they're there to learn. But whether the kids are alright is another thing. There's enough academic pressure in making the grade, but when it comes to getting along with the rest, the classroom can be a real social pressure cooker. Some kids can't penetrate existing social bonds (cliques), or don't really get by on uniqueness alone (that is, when uniqueness = perceived eccentricity, not the so-called uniqueness that gets one votes as class president). In fact, it's really easy to make someone feel left out when s/he isn't as rich or as branded or as conformist or even into the whole school spirit thang.
And of course, who really wants to come off as looking "socially inept", even to their own parents? Especially when the problem doesn't really lie with the kid enduring all sorts of emotional bullying and ostracism, but that s/he just wasn't lucky enough to find the right mix of classmates that s/he can relate with?
Granted, the article roots for the bullied child by giving it both a pro-parental intervention slant and addressing school administrations to get their heads out of their asses by coming up with necessary preventive measures (like school-wide anti-bullying programs). However, it lacks the more level-headed recourse to ingesting toxic liquids like detergent or making like the lone two-gun-toting psycho and shooting classmates at random - namely the ability to cope through the most uncalled-for rite of passage that certain students have to go through, at the risk of being marked for rejection and tagged "the social misfit" during their most crucial, coming-of-age.
I think it's important that students who feel the exclusion no matter how hard they tried to fit in should try not to let the classroom politics get to them. More than anything, they should be encouraged to focus on their own interests and social networks elsewhere, even if it means that most friendships actually take place outside of school. While school administrations have yet to realize they need to get their act together for the sake of their own students' sanity and well being, it always helps to talk to an adult - a guidance counselor or any older person, someone who is patient and understanding enough to listen and can give his/her own two cents on the matter. It may take a while to develop the nerves of steel required to tune out those shallow peeps that tried to ruin your life, but when it boils down to it, you have more pressing concerns at the moment, like taking charge of your own parasite-free life, keeping your grades afloat and, of course, graduation, your ticket out of there.
Connie Veneracion of the famous Sassy Lawyer blog, is living proof that parents know what's going on with their kids. A year ago, she recounted an incident in school where her daughter was a target of sexism. Her daughter retaliated when one of the guys laid a hand on her. The school administrator, in turn, lectured the girl about how it is improper for girls in general to fight back, not even out of self-defense. This led to a critique in the school's system, which does not offer protection to female students, let alone encourage them to protest when they have been wronged.
The right to good quality education (Article 10) is a right guaranteed by CEDAW, but with all the social traumarama going on in schools and the safety and well-being of students not 100% guaranteed, how can our Filipina students parttake of the experience of learning and knowledge that is rightfully theirs? For those harsher lessons in high school life, we're brought back to the big D: Discrimination. And it operates on many levels - classism, sexism (males to females, or even females to females), regionalism - even something as petty as brand of shoes or looks.
Anyway, the article opens with the writer's personal account of her son as the unfortunate target of bullying from a higher-ranked fencing teammate, and delves into the systems that encourage (rather than discourage) bullying to continuously take place in exclusive schools. It's specifically aimed at parents - especially those who have witnessed their own child being bullied by a classmate, peer or even a group of people who look down on those who are either 'unlike' or 'don't measure up' (my quotations).
The writer also cites Dr. Honey Carandang, who tackles the psychological aspects of bullying. She manages to pack a few punches of her own by addressing the following:
a.) Bullying can be learned at home, especially if a parent, who is obviously looked onto as a role model, exhibits such tendencies. Taming the bully, however, requires a degree of intervention on the part of both parent and child.
b.) There are many faces to a bully. Apart from the stereotypical tough guy, bullies can come in groups. Because of how social hierarchies in school operate, bullies can develop status over time - so even the admirable "it" crowd is capable of bullying. And by bullying, it's not always the physical kind. Bullying can be emotional, in the form of outright rejection or ostracism.
c.) Even school authorities are complicit in allowing this culture of bullying to take place by choosing to turn a blind eye, to the point of trivializing the threat by suggesting that the bullied student should learn to fend for himself or herself.
d.) Often, students who unwillingly find themselves in this seemingly endless battlefield feel that suicide is the only way out of being bullied and ostracized. (Dr. Carandang has dealt with a number of cases.)
e.) If the schools in our country don't get their act together to address this problem by reorienting the school system, it'll get only worse. The possible approximation or alternate reality? We could be short of a Columbine blood bath, if the student decides to "hit back".
f.) Bullying can be further prevented if students were more encouraged by the schools to get hobbies or throw their passions in extra-curricular activities.
I don't always take expert opinions at face value, but it's rare that I come across those that aren't sugar-coated with forced optimism and faux Zen-like contentment. Having said that, I think it's cool that Dr. Carandang addressed this bullying problem in schools as something that is sadly overlooked in the very institutions that are supposed to educate students in the first place. It's easy to waste authoritative spit on social propriety and upbringing, but perpetual lip service isn't gonna keep those bullies at bay. And when the bullies do have their way, the last ones to know about it are precisely the ones who run the school. Or have they decided to let the bullies take over the school instead, enforcing their own stupid social hierarchies by deciding who's 'hot' or 'not', or too 'promdi' for that matter? Who actually rules the school?
It seems that parents who invest in their children's education may not really know (or even care) what their children are getting out of it. Bottomline is, they're there to learn. But whether the kids are alright is another thing. There's enough academic pressure in making the grade, but when it comes to getting along with the rest, the classroom can be a real social pressure cooker. Some kids can't penetrate existing social bonds (cliques), or don't really get by on uniqueness alone (that is, when uniqueness = perceived eccentricity, not the so-called uniqueness that gets one votes as class president). In fact, it's really easy to make someone feel left out when s/he isn't as rich or as branded or as conformist or even into the whole school spirit thang.
And of course, who really wants to come off as looking "socially inept", even to their own parents? Especially when the problem doesn't really lie with the kid enduring all sorts of emotional bullying and ostracism, but that s/he just wasn't lucky enough to find the right mix of classmates that s/he can relate with?
Granted, the article roots for the bullied child by giving it both a pro-parental intervention slant and addressing school administrations to get their heads out of their asses by coming up with necessary preventive measures (like school-wide anti-bullying programs). However, it lacks the more level-headed recourse to ingesting toxic liquids like detergent or making like the lone two-gun-toting psycho and shooting classmates at random - namely the ability to cope through the most uncalled-for rite of passage that certain students have to go through, at the risk of being marked for rejection and tagged "the social misfit" during their most crucial, coming-of-age.
I think it's important that students who feel the exclusion no matter how hard they tried to fit in should try not to let the classroom politics get to them. More than anything, they should be encouraged to focus on their own interests and social networks elsewhere, even if it means that most friendships actually take place outside of school. While school administrations have yet to realize they need to get their act together for the sake of their own students' sanity and well being, it always helps to talk to an adult - a guidance counselor or any older person, someone who is patient and understanding enough to listen and can give his/her own two cents on the matter. It may take a while to develop the nerves of steel required to tune out those shallow peeps that tried to ruin your life, but when it boils down to it, you have more pressing concerns at the moment, like taking charge of your own parasite-free life, keeping your grades afloat and, of course, graduation, your ticket out of there.
Connie Veneracion of the famous Sassy Lawyer blog, is living proof that parents know what's going on with their kids. A year ago, she recounted an incident in school where her daughter was a target of sexism. Her daughter retaliated when one of the guys laid a hand on her. The school administrator, in turn, lectured the girl about how it is improper for girls in general to fight back, not even out of self-defense. This led to a critique in the school's system, which does not offer protection to female students, let alone encourage them to protest when they have been wronged.
The right to good quality education (Article 10) is a right guaranteed by CEDAW, but with all the social traumarama going on in schools and the safety and well-being of students not 100% guaranteed, how can our Filipina students parttake of the experience of learning and knowledge that is rightfully theirs? For those harsher lessons in high school life, we're brought back to the big D: Discrimination. And it operates on many levels - classism, sexism (males to females, or even females to females), regionalism - even something as petty as brand of shoes or looks.
Labels: education, media, motherhood, parenting
